


nobody tell him about undetectable extension charms

by Nottodaylogic (MandaloreArtist)



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: (if you want me to take it down i will i started this before reading yours i’m sorry), Congratulations!, Gen, M/M, a fic about nureyev’s pockets by someone who can’t keep track of what’s in their purse, i want to credit the author but can’t remember aaa, if you know which fic this is inspired by, it’s the one with mista squeal, theirs is way better but i had fun writing this so, who’s the real winner here?, you win the prize of telling me what on /gay mars/ it’s called
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MandaloreArtist/pseuds/Nottodaylogic
Summary: a fic about Nureyev and his endless pockets. we stan a man with impeccable fashion priorities.(alternatively: why did i tag a newt as a character? find out by reading!)
Relationships: Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel
Comments: 7
Kudos: 86





	nobody tell him about undetectable extension charms

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Turn Out Your Pockets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109426) by [freudiancascade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freudiancascade/pseuds/freudiancascade). 



> took a short break from my minibang fic to post this, the grind don’t stop and neither does the thievin’ 
> 
> if anyone knows the fic with the same basic concept but with mista squeal the hamster, please tell me, i want to credit the author for inspiration
> 
> edit: found it! y’all should read it it’s hilarious

“Confiscate your weapons.”

Juno reluctantly set his gun down. Next to him, Nureyev put the knife he’d been holding on the ground in front of him, then kicked it away. 

The grunt still stood there with her barrel pointed at Nureyev. “That ain’t all. I know you got more on ya still.”

“I assure you—”

The grunt cocked her weapon. “Get rid ‘a ‘em.  _ All _ of ‘em.”

The barrel swiveled to stare Juno right in the eye.

Nureyev let out a loud sigh, as if he had been told to say farewell to old friends, before shrugging. “Oh, very well. As you wish.”

Juno watched in awe as Nureyev pulled out three more knives from his belt, followed closely by two smoke grenades, one non-smoke grenade with an alarmingly loose pin, a needle, a dirty handkerchief— _ who even uses handkerchiefs? _ —another knife, and a gun. It didn’t even have the safety on. 

And that was  _ before _ he started reaching for his pockets.

“Nureyev?” Juno hissed through his teeth. If he’d have spoken, it would have been weak with dread. “What the hell?”

“I told you,” Nureyev replied smoothly, far too calm for a man who’d just pulled an entire bag of still-frozen cloned peas from his clothing. “A good thief is always prepared.”

A living, breathing, slightly damp  _ newt _ was extracted from the right pocket. 

Its four eyes blinked in scared confusion.

“Sure seems like it,” Juno replied weakly. 

The grunt was on the floor. She’d fainted dead away from the shock.

_ What in the actual hell. _

**Author's Note:**

> ask me why i wasted time on this at my tumblr nottodaylogic
> 
> hey btw every kudo is a dollar raised for newt food and every comment is a day he eats well, feed my starving pocket lizard


End file.
